“Healthy Personal Boundaries = Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others” – Mark Manson
Healthy Boundaries can improve your independence, conserve valuable emotional energy, and improve your self-esteem. An important aspect of self-care is knowing when and how to set proper boundaries. I used to think self-care was going to the spa or doing a face mask but self-care is anything that makes you feel more like yourself. This can mean protecting yourself from unwanted outside energies.
Examples of healthy boundaries include:
- Saying no to something without explaining your reasons why
- Asking someone to stop doing something that bothers you
- Canceling plans when you are too tired or overwhelmed to socialize
- Taking a step back from intimacy in a relationship
Boundaries are essentially rules that you set up that set up limits on how you want to be in relationships. You have to know your why to set up boundaries or else you won’t make the changes you need to. They are absolutely ESSENTIAL to health, wellbeing, and safety. By not setting boundaries, you are essentially self-sabotaging because you will continue to be hurt and taken advantage of. Set up clear boundaries for yourself before this happens.
Picture from positivepsychology.com
How To Set Boundaries:
- First address why boundaries do or don’t exist in your life, if you don’t have them why you need them, and how adding them could improve your life
- Start defining and communicating how you want to be treated in every type of relationship (friendship, romantic, familial, ect. )
- Focus on your values
- Go with your gut
- Learn to say no you can say no simply but firmly
- Stay simple- you don’t need to overexplain yourself
- Understand that these are deeply personal and might vary from person to person so it’s worth taking into deep consideration.
How Trauma Affects Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries might sound easy or like common sense but a history of abuse can make them seem incredibly difficult. If you have experienced trauma, you may find it more difficult to implement boundaries into your life and your lack of boundaries can be a self-sabotaging coping mechanism. Many trauma survivors struggle with this, however, it is a crucial aspect of building back up your self-confidence. If you have experienced trauma, you may be less likely to actively defend yourself, your desires, and your personal boundaries in new situations. Trauma impacts the way you understand and relate to your own boundaries. Boundary crossing can cause further emotional damage. However, by even realizing you have an issue with setting boundaries, you have made the biggest first step in healing this negative cycle.
Affirmations For Trauma Survivors
Learning to trust yourself and the world around you may take time, but here are some affirmations you can work with to try and reprogram your mind to realize that it is safe and loved.
- My body and mind both feel safe and loved.
- Divine energy protects and supports me.
- The past has no power over my present. I can choose who and how I want to be in each new moment.
- Self-love comes easily to me.
- My experiences are happy and healthy
New Hope Counseling & Wellness Is Here To Support You
Keep practicing confidently saying no, and setting boundaries will get easier over time and your self-esteem will grow. If you’re experiencing challenges with setting boundaries or if someone is causing you difficulty when you try to assert boundaries, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. At New Hope Counseling and Wellness, we want to give you hope that a new life is possible. One full of self-love, better boundaries, and better mental and physical health. It is totally possible to turn your entire life around, let go of past wounds and trauma, and set healthy boundaries up for yourself. Work with one of our providers today!